Anyone have any funny childhood stories to share?? I’m in the mood to hear some awesome stories :)

mistress-winchester:

Today in class my Musical Theater teacher made an announcement, ending it with “Ok, Carry on.” 

and I immediately  looked up and said “My wayward son.”

and she turned around and sang “There’ll be peace when you are done.”

My teacher and I connected on a spiritual level today

I think you mean a Supernatural level

MY DAD JUST CONFRONTED ME ABOUT THE TOWELS COVERED IN SEMEN I FOUND UNDER HIS BED THE OTHER DAY. 

So I went to clean my dad’s room since all the other rooms in the house are clean. 

I’m organizing and throwing stuff away When I see a towel poking out from under the bed. I go to grab it and it was crusty. In little patches all over. Upon closer inspection, I realize it’s covered entirely in spots of SEMEN. 

I TOUCHED MY DAD’S MASTURBATION TOWEL THING OR WHATEVER.

Oh and I added this pattern too. I wanted a more “hood” bless this house sampler with guns and traditional cross stitch design.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/CrossBitchery

New cross stitch store Cross Bitchery is officially open!!

Here are two of the designs I’m debuting with:

And I’m bloated from holding in at least 50 farts from the enchiladas I had earlier. 

This house is way too quiet to be going around and farting in such a cavalier manner.

Really want to go to a strip club and watch bitches crawl for dollar coins. 

For some reason I decided to google “undescended testicle”.

Don’t do that. Not ever. Never. Ever.

kninica:

petiteandlean:

thefitty said:

 yikes—do some research before buying it! some of its ratings were 1/5 and 3/5 due to the inconvenience and noise.

Actually Dan got it for me as a Christmas gift. Any blending device will make noise.

We tried it today and it was fantastic! No complaints here except you have to put a ton of pressure when pushing down the plunger that forces the frozen fruit into the blending mechanism. Otherwise it’s awesome :)

Somehow I thought this was a vibrator review

Awkward moment where you have a dream that a group of famous celebrities came in and got your grandparent’s high. You couldn’t stop it since they would have blacklisted you from ever getting famous. 

wtf man. 

fuelingit:

iM CRYING

Love that this is a fake profile and the girl made a tumblr showing all the replies and idiots who came flocking to it.

FUCKING AMAZING.

(Source: iloveniceguysokc)

Watching a documentary on Netflix about America’s first serial killer. 

What am I doing with my life. 

askandyoushallfeel:

My roommates cat is the weirdest cat ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and she’s chilling in a wet bathtub.

wut

The awkward moment

overcoming-obstacles:

when a credit card company worker calls you and tells you that you have a sexy voice and asks you if you’re hot…..

I responded with “I’m a 6 foot tall woman with a large clitoris and hairy genitals”. 

That sure as hell made him shut the fuck up.

You are my hero.